I have a pretty big confession to make. It will anger many and cause most of you to stop reading my blog. However, it is time that I start living my truth. Here it goes:
I GOT A 4 CLASS PASS TO A “CROSSFIT” LIKE GYM.
I know, I know, I know. All of us want these people to shut the fuck up about Crossfit and Paleo and all that other boring shit that no one cares about. Trust me, I’m sick of hearing it at the running store. If one more Crossfitter comes in looking for “flat-bottom” shoes and then tells me they never run further than 400m I will barf. (Also, can you barefoot runners leave me the fuck alone? Since you don’t need shoes, why the hell are you bothering me?)
I actually acquired the passes on accident. I went to this gym with my friend a few months ago and did a Crossfit like workout. It was fun to workout with Toilet, but I was meh on lifting tires and don’t really give a shit about kettlebells or whatever they’re called. It’s something I could do every once in a while for shits and giggles.
However, the gym is a true boxing gym. One of the guys there just got some major championship. They teach boxing, kick boxing, and other badass real shit. So, when I got an email saying I could get 4 classes for $40, I thought I’d be doing the boxing or kickboxing training. Unfortunately, the only classes that fit in my schedule are the Crossfit-type ones. Damn it!
Since I’m a cheap bitch, no way am I going to waste those 4 classes, so Crossfit it is.
So, dear readers with this confession, I make the following promises:
- I promise to never mention a WOD. Fuck a WOD.
- I promise to not take pictures of homeless people in Crossfit shirts or to harrass the homeless any more than I already do.
- I will not be looking for flatbottomed shoes.
- I refuse to brag that I run no further than 400m.
- I will not ever eat a Paleo diet.
- I will never, ever mention or watch the Crossfit games. Because those are a joke.
- I will not do burpees everywhere.
- I will not do headstand pushups and take pics for my blog.
- I will not give you any stats or discuss workout.
- I will not make this a regular thing. I want to do useful stuff. Like learn to box. (I will be discussing this at the gym.)
All right. For those that are still with me thank you. To those that are leaving…ha ha ha! Just kidding. I give zero fucks about you leaving.