Wow…I’ve been incommunicado haven’t I? I wish I could say there was a perfectly good reason – like I’ve been having a great summer, have been running a whole bunch, or have discovered the cure for cancer – but that’s not the case. I just have nothing to say and am busy fighting a whole bunch of bullshit.
Once again, I’m depressed. Like really unhappy, barely making it out of bed. Depressed. I’m being proactive (I hate that word, but it is the one that fits this situation the best) and getting myself back into counseling. I’m not embarrassed to say that.
So, for the time being I’ll do what I can to manage and I’m taking as much pressure off myself as possible. Does that make sense? Also, I’m realizing that quitting my anti-depressant might not have been a good idea. (I was feeling better, so I thought I didn’t need them. Funny how that works.)
In other news, I R a colledge gratuate. Did I get my paperwork or anything in on time? Ha ha ha! Of course not. I was too busy being depressed and worrying about impending doom. But, the credits are all in. I talk to my advisor after break, etc. I should have a nice piece of paper in my hand by December. (There isn’t a summer graduation anyway.)
So, what’s next? No clue. That might be where some of my despair is coming from. I feel a little lost and unsatisfied. I’m wondering if all of this work and money was even worth it. I have an idea of what I want to do next, but there are some rather large barriers and I need to practice due diligence here.
Running? Not much. I’m slowly getting it back together, but I’m worried about New York. Working with my coach to put something together. (She says there’s still time. I just need to work my ass off.) I’m off to Chicago next week for the half. Am I ready? No. But, I’ll muddle through. I hate half-assing stuff.
With that, I’m off to run a bit. My goal this week is just to get out there everyday. Who thought I’d ever reach that point?