Long time no see internet peeps. I’ve been super busy. I have 1 final and 1 paper to turn in and then I am a college graduate. It’s about damn time, right? I feel like I’ve been in school forever.
I’ve decided to spice up my life a bit, so I joined an online dating site. Honestly, these places make me weep for society. There is a steady flow of the dumb, uneducated, ugly, delusional, and just plain boring on this site. I’m not sure if it’s due to my age or what, but surely men don’t suck this much.
Anyway, for your entertainment we’re going to analyze a few randomly picked profiles periodically.
Up first, Domingo Cash:
Description of Photos: Well, he’s posing with what appears to be a Honda Civic that has been fit with custom butterfly doors. Something like this:
Except not a freaking Lambo but an old Honda. (GeekGirl’s first thought: Wow who gives a shit?!?!?! Second thought upon seeing a picture of his face: I see why he went with the crappy custom Honda. Yikes.)
I am simply here to have fun… I don’t mean to sound full of myself, but I am an above avg male… I am a Veteran and currently am deep into a MMA lifestyle… I bartend to make extra cash… As well as photography… I am currently trying to put together a website and image consulting business from scratch… I do personal training and diet as well, so there are many elements I have to put together.. Yes it is more Adult Oriented… I am heavily tattooed… But every script has a story… I live a vivid life… I am brains and Braun… But mostly… I am fun… I want to make you laugh AND lose your breathe… I’m up for the challenge… Are You…
(Emphasis mine, of course.) First and foremost those that are into the MMA lifestyle are douchebags. The whole scene is just no fucking good. Also, I get the idea that he doesn’t really have a job. He bartends and does some other things, but none of them appear to be real jobs. A matter of fact, I’m going to say I think he wants to be a porn star or some shit since he felt it necessary to toss in the fact that it’s all adult in nature.
Now, the funniest part about his “My Story” section is that he thinks he’s both brains and brawn (Spelled wrong, of course), yet hasn’t discovered proper punctuation. What is the deal with using the ellipses to punctuate with? Is this a thing? How did I miss this trend? Was this taught in Internet Dating Profiles 101 and I missed that day?
I also find it laughable that he is into MMA and thinks he’s a personal trainer but smokes. And somehow thinks he’s better than the average male? Ok, douchebag!
Let’s see what he wants in his perfect match:
A man-eater// a Cougar// someone with alot of passion and laughter to give… Someone who NEEDS me to come over and cuddle with them… Even if just to watch a movie together…
Why the hell would I NEED him to come over and cuddle? I just don’t get that. A Cougar? Do Cougar’s want a guy that is 35 years old, ugly in the face, possibly an undercover-fat guy, and drives overly customized mediocre cars? Hmmm….I know when I’m a cougar I won’t want him.
Grade: F – Definite douchebag with nothing to offer except a super shitty Honda Civic. I bet it has one of those shitty loud mufflers to make it SOUND fast, but isn’t even a stick. Pass.
Up next: We figure out what “Good Moral Values” are. I’m pretty sure it’s code for “Love Jesus”. While I loved a guy named Jesus, I’m sure those guys wouldn’t want me. Though it might be fun anyway.