Disclaimer: If you’re not able to hear about women’s bodies and their organs turn around. Leave. I’ve come to the conclusion that I do NOT need to whisper about my being sick. Period. I’ve done nothing wrong here. Don’t like it. Don’t read it. Hopefully this helps someone else going through the same thing.
Disclaimer #2: I also am NOT a doctor. If I misunderstand anything please feel free to contact me or correct me in the comments. Learning this stuff is hard.
There’s no way to sugar coat this shit, so I won’t.
I went to the doctor, as planned, on Wednesday. I have very rapidly growing “fibroids” in my uterus. Six of them to be exact. One of them is over 3cm. The other five range in size 1 cm to 2.3 cm. NONE of them were there 4 months ago. Further, they weren’t there 3 years ago. I’ve NEVER had issues with fibroids though they are quite common. Particularly for African American women. My left ovary has doubled in size and has a “complex” cyst. (I’m going to discuss what I’ve learned about all of this a bit later in this post.) There is a small amount of fluid in my abdominal cavity.
I put fibroids in scare quotes, because at the rate they’re growing and the number of them present they might NOT be fibroids. The might be sarcomas. Sarcomas are fancy smancy words that doctors use for cancer. My doc used it quite a lot. He also said that it’s VERY, VERY rare. He sees a case once every 10 years. He also said the same thing about women that have pulmonary embolisms at my age while on birth control, so…yeah.
From my understanding and research, ovarian cysts are really common. However, complex cysts have the possibility of being cancerous. More so than fluid filled cysts. This one was not present 4 months ago and has made my ovary double in size.
Finally, I still have abnormal cells present in my cervix. (Reminder: This is the original reason that I’ve been going back and forth to the gyno.) Even more oddly is I do NOT have HPV present. Abnormal paps and cells are often found with HPV and then cleared once the HPV is gone. The fact that I do not have HPV present is disconcerting, as well.
Add all of this to the fact that I have irregular bleeding, am starting to have trouble breathing, and my tummy pokes out like a pregnant chick and my doctor recommends: Complete removal of my uterus. Most likely my left ovary as well. Cervix might need to vacate, too.
I’ve got to be honest with you. I cried. I cried a lot. Hell, I’m still crying and will likely cry a lot afterwards. I’ve never wanted children, but I always assumed the option was there. Sounds weird, but just how it was. Maybe I met the man of my dreams and he changed my mind sort of thing.
But, seriously. Fuck babies. I might be REALLY, REALLY sick with cancers that do NOT have a great prognosis. I’m not going to get ahead of myself, but ovarian and uterine cancers are swift and deadly.
I see a gynecological oncologist on Tuesday. He will be my surgeon as well. My regular doctor says that I need to decide really quickly if I want kids. There are other procedures that can be done to save my womb, if there is no cancer present. Those things put my life further at risk IF any of this is cancerous. Women die while trying to “save” their uterus. The best thing to do is remove it all. At this point, I’m on the side of it remove it.
Even if it’s not cancerous these growths are not normal. While I’m not having HUGE problems right now, they will continue to get worse. And…honestly, I’m sick of this shit. I’ve been dealing with the cervical thing since ’08.
Fuck it! I want to see some action. I want to see some movement. Some sort of fight back.
So, there you have it.
I’ll let myself wallow in it for a couple of nights and then it’s time to take care of this shit. There is a lot that is out of my hands, but that does not mean I just lay here and give up.
And please, for the love of DOG, DO NOT TELL ME “AT LEAST YOU’LL NEVER HAVE PERIODS AGAIN.” I will kick the next bitch that says that squarely in the pussy. (It’s always women.) I’ll take a million periods over being cut open and possibly having cancer. FUCK YOU!