As stated earlier, I think it might be time for me to take a break from online dating. I really don’t have the time to put the amount of energy that is necessary into it. More importantly, I’ve become an even more jaded bitch in the process. I truly feel like I’m reading the same profile over and over again. They all go something like this:
I’m just a simple guy that wants a down to earth girl. I hate drama and do not like playing games. I love going out and staying in. I like to have fun. I like ALL music. I like candlelight dinners unless there’s been a hurricane and we have no power and walks on the beach. Blah blah blah.
When I’m reading these profiles, I honestly am thinking, “Who gives a shit?” You’ve told me nothing about you and no one really does candlelight dinners unless there’s been a hurricane and we have no electricity. That’s probably the lamest thing ever.
Well, I obtained my very own Super Awesome Guy Decoder ring. (You can find anything on the internets!) I now have the power to take guy speak and tell you what they are really trying to say. So, let’s get started. Our first one that we’re going to tackle is this whole down-to-earth thing. WTF does that even mean?
The dictionary definition is as follows:
Down-to-earth (adj)
(1) Realistic; sensible.
(2) Not pretentious or affected; straightforward.
Fair enough. However, my Super Awesome Guy Decoder tells me something different. It tells me that it means the guy is broke. Yep. Broke. Furthermore, he’s usually not really going to stop being broke for a while. That’s why he’s so down-to-earth. If you’re a woman going out with this “down-to-earth” guy, that means that you need to shut it and not expect much from this dude. He’s not reaching for the stars and doesn’t keep his head in the clouds. They usually want someone that is very realistic. Which is fine. However, their reality is that they’re broke/not ambitious/and possibly dumb. They’re also usually not down with higher education and you’ll find that they don’t read a lot.
When a guy says that he wants a woman that is down to earth he wants her to be “low maintenance” (whatever the fuck that means) and not ask him for anything. If you dare dream of having a better job, nicer house, or traveling the world this is not the guy. He wants you to be happy with what you got and keep your mouth closed while he takes you to an extra special dinner at Denny’s. He also wants you to not throw around any of that book learning that you got and forget about going to the museum to see that new exhibit. You’re down-to-earth. Like Sarah Palin. She’s smart, but down with Joe Sixpack. (Excuse me while I go barf!)
So, in summary, down-to-earth means that he wants someone that is happy with what he has and doesn’t dream. That way he won’t be nagged for being a loser. He isn’t too educated or at least doesn’t show it, and would never do “stuck up” things. Like go to a play or head to the museum. Got it.
This doesn’t fit me because I am truly reaching for the stars and LOVE having my head in the clouds. I’m uber pretentious and love it. Did you know that my iMac is judging you right now? I’m also a music snob.
Bonus: I ran across this profile this morning. It made my head explode and almost sent me back to bed. I figured you guys needed a good laugh this morning:
working sports movies traveling etc. getting me focus back on the true thing in life . friendship family etc. a person that want to have kids . someone that want to share a life with . person: : : i like time off to must work need right person to sheare life with . so i can have a new life with ilike 50-90 music hate rap like all other music .looking for a nice jewish or whatever religion i dont pactice fate . 28-40 year old single woman that want a family of they own
Seriously. Also, he looks the way he writes.
