The Adventures of GeekGirl

It’s funny how quickly one forgets that it’s really, really expensive to own a dog. Especially when you’re kind of a hippie dippy owner that insists on organic dog food, puppy treats, and all that stuff. There’s going to the vet, dog training, grooming, toys, replacing everything that the dog destroys. It adds up really quickly and I was already really short on cash. (That’s code for BROKE.)

On Monday, Willow had a free consult with a vet. Everything checked out fine and she’s healthy except that she’s a little chubby. I knew she was a little chunky, but thought it was just puppy fat. The doc said it was no big deal. She just needs some exercise and she’ll likely grow into it. He mainly wants me to be aware because beagles can have weight problems and if you don’t monitor it you wind up with something that looks like this:

We do not want that to happen to Willow because fat beagles are not cute.  They’re sad.

So, we started going for longish walks since she’s just a baby. We’re doing about a mile or so twice a day when possible. As she gets older she can run as well. Beagles are super active dogs and LOVE to run and romp. Which is what makes fat beagles even sadder.

But I digress. While on our walk yesterday, I noticed that Willow already looks a bit trimmer. She’s either already dropped a couple of pounds or she grew taller. Not sure which and it really doesn’t matter. I’ve now decided that she is a pro and should have her own HLB.

She can document how she went from a fat puppy to a svelte athlete!

She will use her superior puppy knowledge to tell the world how they too can be as skinny as her by walking leisurely around the neighborhood and only eating 3/4 cup of kibble twice a day. Of course, I’ll have to get a DSL camera so she can take pictures of everything she eats. Surely pictures like this:

and

will be enough to get a large readership, tons of sponsors, and free shit.

Willow will then become a pro on absolutely everything. Running, writing, making organic dog treats, having babies, weddings. EVERYTHING! She will be the official authority on everything healthy. Readers will fawn over her and never tell  her that she’s wrong. She will have meet-ups and conferences (at $100 per person, of course) telling people how to achieve all the greatness that she has.

We will be rich!!!

And…when rumors start to swirl that Willow might, in fact, be a dog her true fans will continue to toss money at her. Even when pics like this leak:

By then it will be too late. We’ll be laughing all the way to the bank.

Things around here are not going so great. I’m sick, I found out that Gio has a pretty serious heart problem, and we’re BROKE. Really broke. Like, will be in every night, can’t afford cheap wine broke. Oh well….these things happen. Gio is comfy, I’m almost comfy and that’s all that matters.

So, instead of dwelling on the shitty way my year is starting, let’s discuss the people that need to just disappear in 2011. Here we go:

The entire cast of Jersey Shore: I don’t watch the show. I’m not huge into reality tv or anything, but these people are everywhere and they are horrible. The fact that “Snooki” wrote a book just makes my head explode.  Can you imagine being the ghost writer for that crap? I wonder if the ghost writer used a fake name? I would…and the Situation is not cute. At all.

Julian Assange: While I think Wikileaks are interesting and perhaps important, this guy is creepy and just needs to go away. It is making people that should NOT be rape apologists look like idiots while trying to defend him and it’s distracting from the actual leaks and the fact that a US soldier might spend the rest of his life in prison for helping this creep out. Gross.

Taylor Swift: Ok, maybe she can sing or play the guitar or something, but honestly, I’d have no idea who this person was if Kanye wouldn’t have done his thing at whichever award show.  Now, I know that Kanye West is an ass and all, but I think he’s talented as hell. (Seriously, his new album is flawless.) This little blond chick? I don’t even know what she sings. I do know that she was Jakey G’s beard for a while.

The entire Palin Crew: Do I really need to list the reasons for this one? She’s horrible. Her kids are horrible. Bristol, Bailey, Barstool, Trick, Track, Truck….whatever their names are all need to disappear into the Alaskan wilderness. No new reality shows. No running for president. Just good old obscurity like they deserve.  If I ever meet John McCain, I will kick him for introducing us all to the Palins.

The Kardashians: I’ve never watched the show, but these women are everywhere. Do they sing? No. Do they dance? Nope. Do they act? Ha ha ha. No. For some reason people are just fascinated with their lives and think they’re hot. It really doesn’t take much in this country does it?

Lindsay Lohan: Now that she’s “rehabilitated” she should move out to the woods and just live her life. Even if it’s just for a couple of years. I don’t want her to do this because I care about her well-being. I want her to do it because I’m sick of hearing about her. Please go away Lohan.

All of the Teen Moms: I don’t watch these shows either, but I sure as hell know all the drama that’s going on with them including the fact that the one called “Amber” is into domestic violence. Gross. Why are these people earning more money than me again?

All of the Housewives: This includes, Beverly Hills, the OC, New York, Atlanta, New Jersey, the gay one…all of them. These shows are pointless and these women are ridiculous. Also, do any of you have friends that look like these women? I sure as hell don’t. Why do their faces all look like that?

Did I miss anyone? Is there anyone that you would like to see disappear in 2011?

Here are some movies that I cannot wait to see. Yay!!!!

1.  Where the Wild Things Are

I can’t wait for this movie. There is so much win going on in this trailer that I can hardly contain myself. Please don’t be surprised if I start wearing the outfit that Max (the kid) is wearing.

2.  Precious

This movie looks nothing short of amazing. It’s adapted from a book by a woman that writes under the name Sapphire. It tells the story of a 16 year old girl that is pregnant with her 2nd child by her stepdad (I think it was her stepdad. Either way, by someone that RAPED her). She is still in junior high and attempting to get into an alternative school. However, her mom abuses her and thinks she is wasting her time.

There is already Oscar buzz on this one, and I’m thrilled that they used a “non-actress” to play the part of Precious.

I feel that this is an important movie because many don’t understand what happens when no one supports you. When you have no cheerleaders, etc.  A lot of people pass judgment on these women girls without knowing the full story. It’s easy to be appaled by teen pregnancy and “poor” POC when you’re judging it from the stance of a nice middle class neighborhood with parents that gave a shit. I hope this opens a lot of peoples eyes.

3.  Alice In Wonderland – I cannot wait for this movie. I LOVE Alice in Wonderland and have a great love for trippy type of stuff. (Long story, but Go Ask Alice is one of my favorite songs.) Tim Burton + Johnny Depp = WIN!!!!!

4. Blood the Last Vampire – Yeah. Vampires? Check. Bad ass girl killing said vampires? Check. This movie is full of freaking win! I think it’s out now. I have to check the movie listings and see where it is playing in my god foresaken area, though.