The Adventures of GeekGirl

Due to popular demand (that totally means 2 people on Twitter), I’ve been asked to dish the details of my wonderful first date last night. So, pull up a chair, grab a drink, and lets get to it.

Duue to being a glutton for punishment, I decided to sign up for OkCupid again. Of all of the sites I’ve been on, I seem to have the most luck there. (Meaning: The men are far more literate and I don’t roll my eyes anywhere near as much on this site.) Once I got my profile up, I was contacted by a guy. He seemed semi-sane, had a humouros profile, and could write in complete sentences without LOL speak. I hate LOL speak. OK. Time for a HUGE disclaimer here: This guy is nowhere near the type of guy I usually go out with. But, I’m trying to expand my  horizons. Pretty much if they’re nice, sane, etc I’ll give them a shot.

We exchanged witty emails back and forth for about a week or so and decided to meet up.  While we were chatting on IM to set everything up a few red flags popped up. First, he tells me that he plays Magic the Gathering….Ruh oh!  I didn’t even know that shit was still around. Who the hell plays that?  Dude does tournaments and stuff. I decide to stop being a bitch and keep chatting. Everyone needs a hobby.

He then tells me that he loves LOL cats. I hate those things with a passion. In telling me that he also uses the word “macho”. Hold the fuck up! No one that plays Magic the Gathering can use the word “macho”. And ewwww….macho. Bleh. The final straw was when I told him I had to go do something he said, “Get to it, Little Lady.”  As we all know I am a feminazi bitch. I do not like being called Little Lady. Period. Also a bit off putting is the fact that women put testimonials on his profile. Something about that struck me as odd. Why would anyone do that? If you’re that great/hot/nice, why wouldn’t you be together. Weird. I should’ve called the whole thing off then, but I figured I could at least get some food out of it.

It turns out that we’re going to meet at Pannera. I’ve never been there and would much rather head out for sushi, pizza, tacos, or coffee at one of our cute indie shops around here. He chooses Pannera. Whatever.

The day of the date, I take a shower and get all nice and cute. I wear a little v-neck t-shirt and my military looking jackeet. I was kind of rocking a little rockabilly style tossed in with hippie chic.  (That is how I roll bitches!) My hair was doing amazing things, yet I’m super casual. Since I’m going to Pannera.

When I pull up, I see him across the parking lot. He’s got a blonde gross ponytail and a heinous goatee. Ew. And…wtf is he wearing? All black with some weird redshirt underneath. All completely odd fitting and shoes that are possibly bowling shoes.  Who the hell wears bowling shoes? I call the entire outfit a wizard suit. It’s just what it reminded me of. I’m not super into clothes, but this was heinous.

Once inside he gets himself water and offers me nothing at all. I have no problem paying for my own food, but…he didn’t even buy himself food. WTF?!?!?! I order a smoothie since it’s fast and I might need to make a clean escape.

We sit down and I ask him, “So, what’s up?”. Biggest. Mistake. Ever. I get 15 minutes explaining why he’s broke (thus the ordering of water) and then another 10 minutes about some chick who’s house he was staying at or something and she freaked out on him. Wow do I not care. I asked what’s up more in the…so, what’s up sense. As in how’s your day.

He asked about my travels and then told me he’s never been out of Florida. Really? Wow, I’d never guess that.  I then decide that I really need to shake this guy. I decide to tell a bunch of my heinous drunking stories. Seriously, I’d never  go out with a guy that does the type of shit I’ve done while drunk in the last year. (See:  Fall in Peru, fall in New York, the Animal Collective Concert, and the Tater Tot incident.) Sadly, I think that made him like me more. Either way, I was planning my escape.

I finally use Gio as an excuse to leave. Something about him needing to be walked.  After hugging me (ew!), we get to my car and he explains that he has to drive to Jupiter (that’s a city non Floridians) that night unless he finds somewhere else to “crash”. (He has a super long commute to work, which is about 20 minutes from where I live.) Fortunately, it was only around 8:45, so I was like you have plenty of time to make it to Jupiter. Then I peaced the fuck outta there. Squealing tires and everything.

I haven’t heard from him today and I am quite glad. I am going to go back to being a picky bitch. At least the men were hot and could afford their own dinner. (I’m not even concerned with mine!)

EDIT: I was not stood up. I was at the wrong bar. We’re going to try to meet up again. Also, it was all my fault. I’m a dumbass.

I had another date tonight. Oddly, I felt like something about this one was off. We’d talked online for a couple of weeks and I finally asked if he’d like to head out for a drink. We set up a time to meet at a local bar. I got all dolled up and headed to the venue to meet up with him and…nothing. He wasn’t there. I cruised around the bar to make sure he wasn’t insidethen waited outside. I waited for 15 minutes and didn’t hear a peep, so I decided to dip. If he was late and didn’t contact me, that’s his problem. (Though we didn’t exchange #s. I never do that until after we meet. Just in case he’s a creeper.) He had my email and everything and could contact me.

Believe it or not, this is the second time I’ve been stood up. Online dating makes it easy to blow people off.

I have a second date with another guy on Sunday. We’ll see if he stands me up, too. I think I need a dating break.

I’m still doing the online dating thing. It’s not really going anywhere, but whatever. As I’ve been participating more and more, I find that there is one thing that I LOVE doing. It’s hitting the freaking //DELETE// key. Some things call for automatic delete, blocking, or a huge amount of eye rolling. Sometimes, all of the freaking above.

Without much further ado, here are the things that automatically get you deleted/blocked, or a huge amount of eye rolling and possibly made fun of on my blog:

1. Any pictures with the following:  posing with fish, children in photos, women in photos, a bunch of their douchey ass friends (unless one is hot and I think I can possibly meet him through the dork that I’m checking out), pictures with cars, pictures with boats, shirtless pictures unless they’re running, swimming or anything to that effect, scanned pictures (who really doesn’t have a digital camera nowadays?), and Ed Hardy in any way shape or form.
2. The phrase “doesn’t like games” – what the fuck does that mean? Are we talking about scrabble? Monopoly? I’m not sure, but I do know that I like those games!
3. Any references to “gold diggers” or “drama” – Men that believe that women always want their money usually don’t have any and those that are “drama” adverse are the main ones to cause it.
4. Any profile that says, “Just ask me” or any variation of that. If you’re too lazy/illiterate/boring to fill out your profile I don’t want to go out with you.
5. Stating they’re “420 friendly”. First of all, I HATE the term 420. I hate potheads even more. (A joint here and there? No bigge – I’m talking like once in a blue moon at a concert or something.) Regular smokers bore the fuck out of me. I can’t/don’t smoke since I love my lungs. That whole pulmonary embolysm thing.
6. Men that are “Spiritual but not religious”. That sounds to me like you’re an undercover god lover. If you are, be out and proud.
7. Any sort of hate speech/macho talk.
8. Lots of typos, misspellings, or my new favorite – the refusal to use periods. Since when is the “,” a replacemenet for the period?
9. Any references to being a “nice guy”. Most “nice guys” are the biggest assholes on this planet.
10. Calling me pet names. This includes sweetie, honey, baby girl, darling, et al. You don’t know me, don’t call me some cheesy degrading pet name.

Bonus one: I just read a profile that said his favorite hot spot is Red Lobster. Yeah? No. //DELETE//